Embraced and Comforted

Beautiful music and soothing piano pieces are one of the things that make me feel safe. As long as I could remember I would sing for no other reason than it helped me through all of the horrible and unstable mistakes me and my family made. I could just forget the world around me and really feel what I wanted to feel, instead of what the world wanted me to.

Predestination

There is no ideal me in 10 years, or even 10 seconds. What ever happens to me happens, and I will try to accept it with open arms. I love life, and I love my life. The hardest part is dealing with all the disappointment and doubt that comes from the assumptions I have had my entire life. I assumed that I am the way I am and that the majority of my character, and my identity would stay the same. In fact the exact opposite occurred. The majority of my being, who I am on a fundamental level, changed drastically. It feels like this back and forth battle, at one point I am completely at peace and I feel as though I can finally love myself for who I am. Then something happens/ I learn something new, or I just completely change my mind about someone or something. At that point I feel as though I have to start from the beginning of my emotional health and take a second look at my life. I feel as though I have to second guess myself.

I am destined to get to a point where I can honestly say that, whatever happens I will still love myself. That is something I can look forward to and work towards.

I don't have any advice

I am not all knowing, I am not some great and powerful creature. Why do I have the authority to judge other people. Even in the slightest. Why should I even think about comparing myself to other people because which ever way you spin it. I am judging them. I am saying, look, you are better than me. Or, hey I am better than you. When in reality I am me and you are you.

My Beliefs

I believe that there is the same chance that Buddha or Zeus exists as there is a chance that the god head exists. Which is weird because for 12 years of my life the people I know and have known have told me other wise. The mind is a powerful tool and can be molded to believe anything.

But Jared! That means there is not after life! What does that mean? Well, doesn't really mean anything, it just means that after we die the world keeps spinning. Our body decomposes and we become soil. Personally I don't mind, I just think its a better reason to learn how to live in the moment and become a better person over all. Because after all, we only have so many Sunday mornings!

Who I am now

It's been a blessing to have so many siblings. I learned from them and they taught me what it means to be human.

When there is no one that knows what you know

It's really refreshing to find the one person that understands. Love and gratitude and an understanding that you are enough. You are more than enough, you are you and it can only get better from there.

You can do Literally anything you want to do.

People toss this idea around sometimes and I never really understood it until recently. The first thing you have to understand is no matter where you go. No matter what you do, you will still be you. You won't magically change into some other person. You could change your name and move to some place no one knows you but you will still have your memories and thoughts. With this in mind what do you want to do? Think about it for a while and when you find out/ remember do the proper research and development it takes to do what it is you thought about. I could travel the world and write a blog about it using the money I earn from working online and then eventually from my blog. Or I could become a Buddhist monk and live a life of celibacy. I really cannot stress this enough, you can literally become an astronaut. Money is there for you to grab using imagination and applying yourself. Fear will always be there but don't act on it. It is only human to have fear. Life is so exciting and I am only beginning my journey. That is ridiculously fantastic to think about.

Responsibility to become someone that I respect

I am coming to understand that anything and everything I do today, will have a direct effect on tomorrow. All I am is a series of actions and if I don't control what I am doing, and try to become a better person. Then nothing will happen and I will digress back to a state of laziness.